- So in retrospect, breaking up has at least been very good fodder for poetry. I could say something about the pain being like a purifying fire - which is an attractive analogy, but I'm not sure how true it really is. Purification implies the removal of impurities, of things that are not "of the form" that we try to purify. Yes, we learn, but how much of it sinks in? How often do we fall for the same type of person, thinking that somehow it will be different this time? Or even fall for the same person over and over - forgetting how incompatible you are until after you are back together again... Is that really purification that we went through then, or is it a pain response because we don't like change?
In any event, here's another poem from 1993.
Storm - By Dave Cox
The realization struck me softly-
It's approach not heralded by claxons or clarions,
it's eminent impact upon my life not foreshadowed or predicted,
nor its tearing of my soul anticipated - like the calm before the storm.
And so when the impact came, I was not prepared.
I was not braced for the power of its blow,
nor was I ready to grasp at the shards of my reality as they swept past me.
I could only stand, dumbfounded, and stare at the destruction of my tiny world.
And now I try to assess the damage that has been done.
Years of dreams, irreparably bent and torn.
My strongest trust somehow quivering in a pathetic show of disgust.
My dearest friend distant and cold.
I Wonder if the storm has passed, or if I am merely in the eye.
I wonder if the chill before me is only a passing front, or a new way of life.
And if I stand in the eye, then can I survive the rest?
Or Will it pass over me in its might, in its glory, and leave nothing to recall?
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Transfixed
- Love comes in so many flavors, so many textures. Some times it is light and airy, others it is heavy and dense. It can be radiantly glowing, or a dull ember. It can be about desires, completeness, polarity, sameness, passion, familiarity, some concept of destiny or rightness, or a million other things. After any of my relationships broke up, as with most people, I felt pain in almost all cases. But now, I can also look back with gratitude and thanks that whatever "we" were, existed for a while. The next few poems are from a love that I tried so hard for so long to make happen, but it just never became the thing I most wanted. So many thoughts about that time, about some concept of "fair" and "destiny" that we get wrapped up in. This is from late 1992 or early 1993.
Transfixed
I sit here transfixed,
staring blankly before me,
hoping that words will flow eloquently from me— onto the paper,
intact with all of the emotions still bound to them,
that you might see a piece of my soul through the lens of my words.
For with it you could see me from the inside,
you could feel my shades of wonder,
and reminisce amongst the sweet memories that you have made in me.
My deepest workings would be laid out bare before you,
and my most subtle nuance, made clear.
I would not need to fear misunderstanding,
for you could see through the these vapors of ink scrawled on paper,
past the bizarre contraption of letter, word and definition,
through the structure of sentence, or paragraph,
and understand the essence of my meaning.
If only the worlds problems were as odd and wonderful as ours,
that a misunderstanding leads to a deeper understanding,
that an act to move away, in other ways brings us closer together,
that a miscommunication could bring about comprehension,
and that from confrontation, grows even deeper love.
Writing quickly, so as not to disturb the moments insight,
I try to record the words before they fade from the perfection of the instant.
Each word falls silently from my mind into my hands and out,
yet their wandering leaves traces on me,
as well as the paper before me- to hold them, for you.
In this odd desire that you could connect through words to my spirit,
I realize there is so much that I wish to show you,
so many things I would share with you. . .
These feelings fighting to arise to the top- shouting above their brethren,
in hopes to be expressed in the few moments of poetic grace that may come. .
In awesome wholeness you are before me,
your smile traces across your lips as you speak,
and I feel the soft warmth of your breath against my cheek,
"And other times," you say with a serious voice, "I just don't know what to do"...
And you wonder why I smile.
Moments spent in concentration,
trying to solve some new riddle which you have presented me with,
whether to match a swatch of fabric with a ribbon,
or comprehend some sad injustice which has happened,
always a pleasure to answer, if only because you asked of me.
The passions that you stir in me, I didn't even know I had. . .
That you can take my breath from across the room,
make me smile from miles away, or make me tremble with desire from your touch,
to hold you, to touch you, to feel your body wrapped around me.
You move beside me, holding my hand as we walk.
Careful that no one notices our brief indiscretion,
we exit the party by the back door, and run through the field,
to land in each others arms and collapse onto the earth.
In a flash of understanding, We are one.
The pain lingers long, from a future sadness,
but its weight is carried by two and thus,
although not lessened, is somehow made more bearable.
A constant companion with which to help heal the wounds,
which life inflicts upon us all.
What pride I would feel if I could make you understand.
The dreams are only a skeleton of what you and I could become,
the feelings are only shadows of the truth that would be,
the words, though carefully chosen, show only what I can know,
and do not begin to gift us with what will be.
And as it came, the moment of eloquence passes.
These precious words start to cloud into trite phrases,
better not written on the same page.
Yet for an instant, perhaps the feelings the words carried moved you,
to see the depths of all that you are to me.
Only a single worthy phrase remains in my mind,
something by which to exit gracefully.
Though often over spoken, misused and ever so misunderstood,
yet still no better words to say, or to even try,
but to remind you of the thousand ways that I love you.
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
Transfixed
I sit here transfixed,
staring blankly before me,
hoping that words will flow eloquently from me— onto the paper,
intact with all of the emotions still bound to them,
that you might see a piece of my soul through the lens of my words.
For with it you could see me from the inside,
you could feel my shades of wonder,
and reminisce amongst the sweet memories that you have made in me.
My deepest workings would be laid out bare before you,
and my most subtle nuance, made clear.
I would not need to fear misunderstanding,
for you could see through the these vapors of ink scrawled on paper,
past the bizarre contraption of letter, word and definition,
through the structure of sentence, or paragraph,
and understand the essence of my meaning.
If only the worlds problems were as odd and wonderful as ours,
that a misunderstanding leads to a deeper understanding,
that an act to move away, in other ways brings us closer together,
that a miscommunication could bring about comprehension,
and that from confrontation, grows even deeper love.
Writing quickly, so as not to disturb the moments insight,
I try to record the words before they fade from the perfection of the instant.
Each word falls silently from my mind into my hands and out,
yet their wandering leaves traces on me,
as well as the paper before me- to hold them, for you.
In this odd desire that you could connect through words to my spirit,
I realize there is so much that I wish to show you,
so many things I would share with you. . .
These feelings fighting to arise to the top- shouting above their brethren,
in hopes to be expressed in the few moments of poetic grace that may come. .
In awesome wholeness you are before me,
your smile traces across your lips as you speak,
and I feel the soft warmth of your breath against my cheek,
"And other times," you say with a serious voice, "I just don't know what to do"...
And you wonder why I smile.
Moments spent in concentration,
trying to solve some new riddle which you have presented me with,
whether to match a swatch of fabric with a ribbon,
or comprehend some sad injustice which has happened,
always a pleasure to answer, if only because you asked of me.
The passions that you stir in me, I didn't even know I had. . .
That you can take my breath from across the room,
make me smile from miles away, or make me tremble with desire from your touch,
to hold you, to touch you, to feel your body wrapped around me.
You move beside me, holding my hand as we walk.
Careful that no one notices our brief indiscretion,
we exit the party by the back door, and run through the field,
to land in each others arms and collapse onto the earth.
In a flash of understanding, We are one.
The pain lingers long, from a future sadness,
but its weight is carried by two and thus,
although not lessened, is somehow made more bearable.
A constant companion with which to help heal the wounds,
which life inflicts upon us all.
What pride I would feel if I could make you understand.
The dreams are only a skeleton of what you and I could become,
the feelings are only shadows of the truth that would be,
the words, though carefully chosen, show only what I can know,
and do not begin to gift us with what will be.
And as it came, the moment of eloquence passes.
These precious words start to cloud into trite phrases,
better not written on the same page.
Yet for an instant, perhaps the feelings the words carried moved you,
to see the depths of all that you are to me.
Only a single worthy phrase remains in my mind,
something by which to exit gracefully.
Though often over spoken, misused and ever so misunderstood,
yet still no better words to say, or to even try,
but to remind you of the thousand ways that I love you.
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
A Candle in the Night
- Another song, on transition, after breaking up with my first girlfriend. Seemed so strange that we were so much a part of each others every day lives one day, and then this thing happens and we "broke up", and now, our lives are separate. I remember soon after breaking up, having a dream that the break up was actually a nightmare that I was dreaming, and that we were still together - and then waking up, and realizing that in fact, life was the nightmare. No date on it, but it must have been when I was 17, so 1983ish...
A Candle in the night
You're like a candle in the night,
yet you ask me to look away, from you, the only light,
and find my way, back home in the dark,
without a candle in the night.
Like a candle in the night,
one point of interest in a dreary sea
yet with your light I saw the world before me,
by the light of a candle in the night.
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
A Candle in the night
You're like a candle in the night,
yet you ask me to look away, from you, the only light,
and find my way, back home in the dark,
without a candle in the night.
Like a candle in the night,
one point of interest in a dreary sea
yet with your light I saw the world before me,
by the light of a candle in the night.
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
Someday
- Have I mentioned the dissonance between dreams and reality?? I've had this mixed blessing/curse of being a "Huggy Girl Guy" (my sisters term) - of having mostly women friends through my life. A number of those friendships came from romances that bloomed only briefly, and then converted over to something a tad more than just friends, but shy of lovers - sort of a romantic no-mans land, which lead to this song. August of '90
Someday
She's another lovely spirit, I can add to my collection,
of friendships that have come from lovers,
"Can't we just be friends, forever?"
Another friend that wants me, but not the way it used to be,
if it's true that I've done nothing wrong, then what am I supposed to learn?
[Chorus]
And like all the rest, you tell me that someday, someday,
I'll make some woman very happy, but it won't be you,
and in those words, I feel my heart beat slowing to a crawl,
I want that someday, someday...
I try to play the manly part, and claim I never wanted you,
I try to pull my heart away, before I start to cry.
I know what we had, wasn't perfect, but it seemed so much better,
than this loneliness that's left, I'm just so tired of trying,
[Chorus]
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
Someday
She's another lovely spirit, I can add to my collection,
of friendships that have come from lovers,
"Can't we just be friends, forever?"
Another friend that wants me, but not the way it used to be,
if it's true that I've done nothing wrong, then what am I supposed to learn?
[Chorus]
And like all the rest, you tell me that someday, someday,
I'll make some woman very happy, but it won't be you,
and in those words, I feel my heart beat slowing to a crawl,
I want that someday, someday...
I try to play the manly part, and claim I never wanted you,
I try to pull my heart away, before I start to cry.
I know what we had, wasn't perfect, but it seemed so much better,
than this loneliness that's left, I'm just so tired of trying,
[Chorus]
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
Pee Pee in the Potty
- And now for something completely different... Potty training for Delilah was a chore. Without a sibling to model after, and with the comfort of diapers, there wasn't a whole lot of incentive to get potty trained. Well, I knew that she liked music, so I wrote a little ditty. Maybe I can take a video of her and I singing this and post it here later :) From 5/27/06
Pee Pee in the Potty
You've used those diapers, you've used those wipes,
you've filled half a land fill, by peeing day and night.
Now your a growin', and your gonna see,
every thing is better, when you learn to pee
[Chorus]
Pee pee in the potty, yea, you can pee pee in the potty,
Pee pee in the potty, pee pee all day long.
Yeah you can, poo-poo in the potty, poo poo in the potty,
You can pee and poo in the potty too, as we go along!
{bridge}
Well Ill let you know, how the story goes, when the big kids need to pee,
they pull down their underwear, and sit right down on that potty chair, you see?
[Chorus]
(C) 2011, Dave Cox
Pee Pee in the Potty
You've used those diapers, you've used those wipes,
you've filled half a land fill, by peeing day and night.
Now your a growin', and your gonna see,
every thing is better, when you learn to pee
[Chorus]
Pee pee in the potty, yea, you can pee pee in the potty,
Pee pee in the potty, pee pee all day long.
Yeah you can, poo-poo in the potty, poo poo in the potty,
You can pee and poo in the potty too, as we go along!
{bridge}
Well Ill let you know, how the story goes, when the big kids need to pee,
they pull down their underwear, and sit right down on that potty chair, you see?
[Chorus]
(C) 2011, Dave Cox
Garden of Love
- This tidbit, a fraction of a song that was never completed, yet still, interesting. Deals with our assumptions about how things should be, and how some times the will of nature, or destiny, or the momentum of the paths carry us into a different future than we had expected. This was from an introspective time in April of 2006.
Garden of our love
Every love is like a garden, where we wish good things to grow
a little rain, a little sunshine, and some magic seeds to sow
Every heart, like the autumn earth, on a sunny spring time day
with a history of growing things, a few which died along the way.
I planted a thing I thought was a rose, thinking of its passion,
its beauty & scent - a dark scarlet bloom I imagined, a gift of joy.
She planted a a thing she thought was an oak, dreaming of its strength,
its stability, a shade in the summer and a sentinel in the winter.
What grew instead was a bramble, entwined an flowing of a strong vine,
dotted with tiny tart berries of deepest red, and leaves of deepest green.
the vines form shelter from the breeze, the berries sustain us -
their bitter sweet plays on our tongues, and paints them mischievously.
Now a little bird has come to live in our garden,
a place of comfort, of home, of love,
where we plant what we hope to reap, but reap what it is that grows,
Each bite, becoming a part of each of us.
(C) 2011, Dave Cox
Garden of our love
Every love is like a garden, where we wish good things to grow
a little rain, a little sunshine, and some magic seeds to sow
Every heart, like the autumn earth, on a sunny spring time day
with a history of growing things, a few which died along the way.
I planted a thing I thought was a rose, thinking of its passion,
its beauty & scent - a dark scarlet bloom I imagined, a gift of joy.
She planted a a thing she thought was an oak, dreaming of its strength,
its stability, a shade in the summer and a sentinel in the winter.
What grew instead was a bramble, entwined an flowing of a strong vine,
dotted with tiny tart berries of deepest red, and leaves of deepest green.
the vines form shelter from the breeze, the berries sustain us -
their bitter sweet plays on our tongues, and paints them mischievously.
Now a little bird has come to live in our garden,
a place of comfort, of home, of love,
where we plant what we hope to reap, but reap what it is that grows,
Each bite, becoming a part of each of us.
(C) 2011, Dave Cox
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Where you are now
- Another idea that we have, is that things don't change with people - yet they do. We base relationships on how things fit together today, and as we change, if the relationship doesn't fit, well, who's fault is it? No-ones - people just change... Sometimes, the goal becomes less important than the journey to get there. Some times, the cast of characters changes along the way, which brings in new ideas, that foment into more change... It took a long time for me to change - so that I could accept change as a part of, and even a sign of life. The following touches on that. Notice the very slight difference in title here - "Where you are now", vs. the previous "Where are you now" . Also a song to be performed, but it never really was finished - which I guess is the point, right?
My first "music video" - ok, more music without much video, linked below.
Where you are now
Where you are now, is the culmination
of the paths you've traveled, and the choices that you've made.
Who you are now, is a combination
of persistence, luck, and the folks along the way.
What you are now, is always changing
With the new decisions you make from day to day
Where you go now, well that's largely up to you then -
it can be a bit surprising how things got to be this way.
Who you're with now, that can be complicated
By all their own opinions, and the dreams that the have had
Who you love now, can make all the difference -
when you're looking for tomorrows, work the good and loose the bad...
What we need now, is a bit of introspection,
to see what really matters, and the things that we can change.
What we do now, can make all the difference,
so that children on our shoulders will have a place to play
What you think now, is mearly a reflection
of the way you see the world, through the glasses that you wear
What you want now, it depends who asks the question -
what they have to offer, and how much you care.
Whats the truth now - is it all so cast in concrete,
that you can't yield a little, to the new things that you learn
What we hope now, is largely universal
For many bright tomorrows, without stress and fear in turn.
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
My first "music video" - ok, more music without much video, linked below.
Where you are now
Where you are now, is the culmination
of the paths you've traveled, and the choices that you've made.
Who you are now, is a combination
of persistence, luck, and the folks along the way.
What you are now, is always changing
With the new decisions you make from day to day
Where you go now, well that's largely up to you then -
it can be a bit surprising how things got to be this way.
Who you're with now, that can be complicated
By all their own opinions, and the dreams that the have had
Who you love now, can make all the difference -
when you're looking for tomorrows, work the good and loose the bad...
What we need now, is a bit of introspection,
to see what really matters, and the things that we can change.
What we do now, can make all the difference,
so that children on our shoulders will have a place to play
What you think now, is mearly a reflection
of the way you see the world, through the glasses that you wear
What you want now, it depends who asks the question -
what they have to offer, and how much you care.
Whats the truth now - is it all so cast in concrete,
that you can't yield a little, to the new things that you learn
What we hope now, is largely universal
For many bright tomorrows, without stress and fear in turn.
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
Don't make me a liar
- Another idea is that if one gives enough, that is, in it self, enough. That if you just keep trying, keep giving, that somehow that will make up for all the other differences in needs/desires/ideas, all the other stuff doesn't matter. Not sure where this came from, but it manifests itself in the form of "as long as I love her enough, nothing else can go wrong". Obviously, when you look at it, this can't work - nothing is that simple, but it is seductive in it's purity.
This song, from about 1988 bubbles up from that place. Another one that I'll push out as music some day.
Don't make me a liar
Seems like just a couple days ago-
that I had the foolish notion, that my heart might never break again.
You loved me once, I know
Some how that's all different, now you call us friends.
Don't make me a liar - I don't want to lie
all the dreams with you, I've promised, please don't let them die
Don't make me a looser - I don't want to lose
everything we cherished - I can't see why you'd choose
To make me a liar?
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
This song, from about 1988 bubbles up from that place. Another one that I'll push out as music some day.
Don't make me a liar
Seems like just a couple days ago-
that I had the foolish notion, that my heart might never break again.
You loved me once, I know
Some how that's all different, now you call us friends.
Don't make me a liar - I don't want to lie
all the dreams with you, I've promised, please don't let them die
Don't make me a looser - I don't want to lose
everything we cherished - I can't see why you'd choose
To make me a liar?
(C) 2011 Dave Cox
My Perfect Love
- One of the themes of our societal programming is this concept of a single perfect love, one person that would meet all of our needs as a being, spirit, creature, lover, whatever. Because of that belief, the relationships that didn't work, were signs of failure, instead of learning experiences. They were a burden to be worked through and moved on from, instead of being beautiful moments in attempt to make something that was right for those people at that time. From that belief, came the recurring plea for "the right one to come along".
I think this was about 1988 or so.
My Perfect Love
I know she's out there somewhere - my perfect love
I feel her on occasion, as the wind sweeps by my face,
I turn in hopes to see her - my perfect love
if only for a moment, a passing shade of grace.
Several times I thought I found her - my perfect love
and several times, I've been wrong.
(c) 2011 Dave Cox
I think this was about 1988 or so.
My Perfect Love
I know she's out there somewhere - my perfect love
I feel her on occasion, as the wind sweeps by my face,
I turn in hopes to see her - my perfect love
if only for a moment, a passing shade of grace.
Several times I thought I found her - my perfect love
and several times, I've been wrong.
(c) 2011 Dave Cox
Where are you now?
- I suppose I should start off with bits of commentary to add to the back story on this stuff. I guess there's no particular order to it - I'm just digging through the piles, and reading, and when I find something worth sharing, I'll put it out there.
As for content, I think a lot of it can be explained by saying that I was once a teenager. There, I said it, ok? Funny, it doesn't seem that long ago - those unsure times, uncomfortable, not knowing what to do, trying to understand what people expect, and why chicks are so different than guys, and all that stuff. So, a lot of my poems and songs are about loneliness, break up, mix up, etc. Hum, sounds like a lot of country music lyrics, eah?
So, this first posting is from about 1983 or so - expectations, reality - not so much in common. Standard theme in life, really, no? It started off life as a song - and maybe some day I'll play it.
Oh, and as for all of these - I'm fine with folks copying stuff, but do include my name as author.
Where are you now?
You said when I need someone, I'll I'd ever have to do is call, and you'd be there...
But where are you now?
You believed in what I'd hoped to do, when you were standing by my side,
Where are you now?
Now all my hopes and dreams, don't mean the slightest thing to you,
And in my time of need, you don't come shinning through -
Where are you now?
Once you said I'd have to fight to loose you, now you fight to keep away,
Where are you now?
All those moments we said were special, were they nothing?
Where are you now?
Now all my hopes and dreams, don't mean the slightest thing to you,
And in my time of need, you don't come shinning through -
Where are you now?
(c)2011 Dave Cox
As for content, I think a lot of it can be explained by saying that I was once a teenager. There, I said it, ok? Funny, it doesn't seem that long ago - those unsure times, uncomfortable, not knowing what to do, trying to understand what people expect, and why chicks are so different than guys, and all that stuff. So, a lot of my poems and songs are about loneliness, break up, mix up, etc. Hum, sounds like a lot of country music lyrics, eah?
So, this first posting is from about 1983 or so - expectations, reality - not so much in common. Standard theme in life, really, no? It started off life as a song - and maybe some day I'll play it.
Oh, and as for all of these - I'm fine with folks copying stuff, but do include my name as author.
Where are you now?
You said when I need someone, I'll I'd ever have to do is call, and you'd be there...
But where are you now?
You believed in what I'd hoped to do, when you were standing by my side,
Where are you now?
Now all my hopes and dreams, don't mean the slightest thing to you,
And in my time of need, you don't come shinning through -
Where are you now?
Once you said I'd have to fight to loose you, now you fight to keep away,
Where are you now?
All those moments we said were special, were they nothing?
Where are you now?
Now all my hopes and dreams, don't mean the slightest thing to you,
And in my time of need, you don't come shinning through -
Where are you now?
(c)2011 Dave Cox
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Documenting a life
I have here in front of me a pile of papers, many of them weathered and barely legible, some neatly bound, others crumbled. Most are hand written, and even the writing is a testament to the span of their presence - I see the different styles, weights and angles that I've had in my writing over the years. These are poems, lyrics to songs and general musings that I've created over my life. They have been sitting in a folder in the dark for years, doing no-one any good. Well, I've decided to start bringing them out, a little bit at a time, into the ether of knowledge that is the Internet.
Maybe someone will resonate with them. Maybe someone will see something new, or remember something old, or dream a little dream from the seeds here planted.
They served their purpose as a way to move feelings and birth thoughts into the world - and so now, I send them forth.
Let me know what you think. Eventually, I hope to also figure out how to post some songs here or elsewhere.
Maybe someone will resonate with them. Maybe someone will see something new, or remember something old, or dream a little dream from the seeds here planted.
They served their purpose as a way to move feelings and birth thoughts into the world - and so now, I send them forth.
Let me know what you think. Eventually, I hope to also figure out how to post some songs here or elsewhere.
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