Hungry...

Well, I've thought long and hard about posting this one.  It is a little peek into my naughty side. It was written aspecifically (without any one person in mind) almost two years ago, and in my excitement of having written it, and sharing it, it actually managed to tweak one friend (whom mistakenly thought I wrote it for her, even with the included copyright note) sufficiently, that we still haven't recovered.  So, I realize that it is powerful.  Which is why I am sharing it. 

Yes, it is naughty, even lewd. It might offend, and in the least, I would hope that it evokes "something" of a response. And, as it evokes that response, look at the response to these words on digital paper.  The response is yours - it is your "response-ability" quite literally. 
Consider your self warned. 

I have sung it to my self enough times that at some point I will record it and push it out to the world...

Hungry
(C) Dave Cox - 2010
-- Sung to 12 bar blues

Girl, you make me hungry
Hungry for your cherry pie...
I say, girl, you make me so hungry,
Hungry for your special cherry pie
With that deep down sort of hunger,
some little cream puff just can't satisfy.

Girl, you make my mouth water,
just thinking 'bout peaches and cream...
Just a whiff makes my mouth water,
You bring the peaches, I'll bring the cream...
Make me wanna lick my fingers,
And you know just where they've been...

I love to eat your fruit tart,
your papaya surprise,
and when I lick the frosting,
I just stare into your eyes -
baby, you make me so hungry
'cause it feels so good inside...

They say girls are made of sugar,
and girls are made of spice
A little bit of sugar,
A little bit of spice,
But you got made a little tart -
and i find that kinda nice...

I wanna meet you in the kitchen,
We can cook up something sweet,
Nibble on your cupcakes,
Wrap your pastry round my meat,
Babe you you get me cookin’,
Cookin’ in your heat...

I tell you, girl, you make me so hungry
Hungry for your homemade cherry pie...
you know, girl, you make me hungry,
Hungry for that fine cherry pie
With that deep down sort of hunger,
some little cream puff just can't satisfy...

Time and the Umbrella

Talking with a friend today about how different people schedule things, and it occurred to me that there are largely two different extreme ways of planning for future events in ones life.

There are those that, when an opportunity comes up for some future event, they choose if they are going to do it or not, at that point.  If they choose to attend it, then they exclude other possibilities from happening. They plan, and have to assume that they made the right choice, but they can be in comfort, because there is "a plan".

Then there are those that, knowing about an event, and being interested in the event, may set a mental intention that "it would be nice" to do that, but they continue with their life, allowing all possibilities in their consideration, until a final moment of decision, when all the other options have vaporized, leaving only this outcome. Making the decision before then, wouldn't include the other possibilities that emerged along the way.

If the event could be imagined as the tip of an umbrella - where all the spokes come together, and time as traversing up the umbrella towards that tip, the first people will close their umbrella, to prevent collecting other options - all the possibilities compress into a forced decision. For the second, the umbrella stays open, until each possibility leads to the final outcome...

Both approaches have their advantages, they are comfortable for some and alien to others...

Mirrored Ball

There are, on this world, some truly remarkable creatures.  I have had the deep pleasure to have met several of them in my life.  This is an ode to just such a treasured soul.

Mirrored Ball

How is it that you smile - not so much wide, but so deeply inside you,
That for a moment, you glow from within, in radiance of the pure joy?
And, how do you shine so bright, in each delightful instant -
Every moment fully consumed in an incandescent flash. Each experience, singular.

Another glint, in reflection of simple glory - a morsel of food, seemingly mundane,
yet consumed with reverence, with awareness - every shade of its energy given up to you.
In conversation, that flows like rain dancing from leaf to leaf,
Some subjects spattering into a dozen new ones, others pooling together in silence.

You are like the mirrored ball of a dance floor - shining out a million spots of light,
Each spot a facet, a tidbit of a story, a glance of beauty and grace, and then its gone,
replaced by another dot of light - different, but still remarkable -
I stare in hopes to understand it, and it is gone again.  Replaced by still another.

In the darkness, it is the light that we see.  The faceted reflections spinning on the dance hall floor,
ignoring the space between: the darkness - that which is not light - we dismiss it as uninteresting.
But the darkness is real; and by it's contrast, do we see the wonder of each glowing speck.
The ocean of darkness into which the light plays, has its own stories, its own wonders.

Between the mirrors are glimpses of darkness so deep, they too are shocking in their depth.
How do you glow so brightly, against these dark ghosts which I have seen only from a distance?
I wonder but that the very quality so remarkable and stunning in your instantaneous presence,
Isn't also your way to rise above the dark distance - and keep it at bay?

The Veil of Time

- In the mid eighties, my world started opening up, bits at a time.  I met a remarkable young lady that taught me many things, shared much of her different life with me. She was a "witch" (the good kind - pagan),  and a fairy (fae - or a "spirit of light"), and so in loving her I discovered pieces of ritual, perspectives, concepts that I hadn't experienced before.  She was the first person (and still one of the deepest) that I felt a connection far beyond that which could be explained, memories of things that we hadn't done, yet certainly had - just not in this life, this world, this "dream".  She got me thinking about lots of things, and sometime during our on-again, off-again love, I wrote this song. October of 85.  This is one that I should record someday.

The Veil of Time

Ah confusion, complex illusion,
The minds eye, can pierce the veil of time,
see through, the years of solitude,
Somehow I could see, that someday we would be.

I sit here in a trance, and dream of random chance,
I remember tomorrow, but can't place yesterday,
If only you knew, what we'd look like when we're through,
Nothings new about today - it's all an instant replay...

[Chorus]
Ah, ah, pierce the veil of time,
Walk through the eons, but stay her by my side.
We could change the future, or at least we can try
Ah, ah, pierce the veil of time...

I met a girl, thought she was the world,
It'll be some time next year, before she's finally here,
I treat her well, she says to go to hell,
I won't ignore her voice, I just haven't got that choice

The past is gone, the future carries on,
Don't let the cost, justify the loss,
Know thy self, that's your only real wealth,
Live your truth, don't forget about your youth

[Chorus]

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

So this is love

- A joyful, simple song from a long time ago - probably the late 80s, one of the relatively rare times that I took the moment to record my happiness, even as it was tinted with bits of insecurity.

So This Is Love

She's my sunny day, on a stormy night,
She's what makes me smile, when I'm down,
She's the stary sky, from a lonely house,
I pray that "we" will always be around.

She's the only flower, in a grassy glade,
She's the girl walking off to school,
She's the friend, I love so much,
She will always be me truest jewel

So this is love, the priceless gift,
And true, the greatest prize,
To win the heart, of the one you love,
and be beautiful in there eyes.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Wandering

- Digging through my poetry, I'm reminded of a theme in my life and common in creativity, that it is the extremes of emotion that drive one most to create, to write, to compose.  When I'm happy, I spend my time doing that which makes me happy.  When I'm sad, I didn't feel like I had anything else to do but to try to write, to create, to extract this pain from me, and push it out onto paper, to the world.  In reviewing them, I see that so many of the songs I wrote (most of which I didn't post) are of a familiar theme, that really there isn't much new there to offer.  So now, I'm looking for the stuff that is more unique, that has a voice of its own, a message, a memory that I feel is more universal.  Below, an unnamed poem (which I've called "wandering") from August of 1989.


I've been wandering so long, searching in the night
waiting for a lover, but its somehow never right.
I'm looking for a friendship that will never let me down,
but I've got this feeling it's no where to be found.

So I look within me, to find what's down inside,
For a shining bit of wisdom, a pearl of some great price,
I hope to find an answer to a question I don't know,
I need direction, need some place to go...

Oh lord, grant me guidance, let me know that you're still there,
could you send a sweet reminder, an answer to a prayer?
Would you kindly give me courage, grant me hope to carry on,
I don't need to sound discouraged, just need some help along...

Could someone please help me along...

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Expectations

Expectations grow, like a bramble in our dreams. As each one is met, we dismiss it ungraciously. As each one is unmet, we howl at the unfairness of it all. And yet, the expectations are as much ours as were the dreams they grew in...

I Love You

- Another lament on transitions, on differences. A lovely soul that I spent several years with, thinking once again that this was the one. In my heart, I saw our future, our life out into old age together. I moved off to college and thought that regular calls, and a few visits a month could make it work. But in retrospect, I realize that even with my proclamations of love, missed the boat in not offering her more space in my life.  I knew I needed to go to college, but beyond taking her on the tour of the college with me, I could have, should have offered her some strands of my life to weave us together with.  I could have proposed, but the time wasn't right.  I could have at least shared more of my then vision for us - or perhaps I did, and now fool my self in thinking that I could have persuaded her, had I only shown her my vision more clearly.  I could have offered her to move to the college town with me, but that would have uprooted her life, for an unsure future with me.  This song is the closest to "country" that I've gotten in a song that I actually recorded. December of 1988.

           I love you

I love you, I love you, I love, she once said
As if that really matters, now that our love's dead
And all of the memories, all the moments we spend,
It all comes to nothing, when you loose them, again.

I thought I found the woman, who would love me for life,
Sometime in the future, we would be man and wife,
But somehow that's all different, now that her love ends,
Now the woman, that loved me, is barely a friend.

I love her, I love her, I love her, I cried,
And if love doesn't mater, than what good is life?
If only, she would love me, as more than a friend,
She'd love me, I'd love her, we'd be lovers, again.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

You hope it's like the movies

- Going through these songs is a swirl of memories, many similar, with subtle different tinges to things. The fact that I wrote it down neither makes it permanent, nor unique - but it helps in a cathartic sort of way.  It helps to see that "this too shall pass". That this experience isn't unique in my or most anyone's life.  People are different, and in so, relationships will to varying degrees have complications, period.  The more entwined you get, the more "knobs and levers" there are to yank on, which results in differences, friction and frustration. And at the same time, the more love that flows back and forth, the more "lubricated" the mechanisms of relationship are; forgiveness, humor, understanding, empathy, and perhaps most of all, optimism and hope.  This song, from the mid to late eighties, is about hope.  It was written for a friend named Melinda I met at Palomar College, that was going through hard times with boyfriend after boyfriend.  And here's a wish into the ether, that Melinda found her hero...

You hope it's like the movies

Once you thought it was special, that this time love might last,
Once you thought he was perfect, but you were wrong, like so often in the past.
Now you think you know better, and you won't get fooled again -
But that special someone, doesn't want to just stay a friend.

And you hope it's like the movies, where the hero always wins,
And the bad guy always gets it, in the end...

Long ago you were happy, without needing someone near.
Was a time that loving meant, ever caring, never needing fear.
Now that that's all over, you wish someone would lend -
A lonely girl a heart, that she'd never need to mend.

And you hope it's like the movies, where the hero always wins,
And the bad guy always gets it, in the end...

(C) 2011, Dave Cox

As a Spirit

- In love, sometimes we would like to see our selves shine, glow, incandesce out into the world - glowing in the night, like some stoked up fire fly, or falling star. At least sometimes, that is. Or maybe we want to be stoic, and strong - we want to be a rock, a foundation, a support.  Or, after a long time, we can dip into a strange world of just being, of being content - of feeling love in this moment of "just right for this moment".
The following song is from the mid eighties

As a Spirit

My hear stands as a castle,
Shape'ed by the rain
Hewn from the ice of a winters storm,
by a lovers gentle pain.
And now the walls lay newly stilled,
from the songs they used to sing,
The chambers seem so merciless
no solace do they bring,

The master door is open wide,
the gates are thrown away,
yet no one wants to come inside,
And I seem to hear them say -
"Do not go there, my friend
I think it is unsound,
and you might be inside of it,
when all the walls come down..."

You can say your life's half over,
or you still have half to live
You can stay outside, not risk a thing,
or come in and see what a house can give
Now won't you come and live in me?
I'll keep you warm and dry,
If just you'd fix my leaky roof,
and move your things inside.

But don't close the door when you come in,
this house is too large just for you,
It gets lonely in the winter,
Have some friends over, if you choose
If they don't mind a slightly haunted house,
Haunted by a single ghost
After all these years of loneliness,
I'm you're spiritual host.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

The transition from lover to friend to nothing

- So, you meet someone who does something for you. Maybe they sat next to you in Chemistry and had a certain "something" about how they plagiarized your lab notes; maybe your at a bar, and a different kind of chemestry happens (perhaps C2H5O5 related...) A million different ways that we start to fall in love.
Then, after a while, usually its not just one thing, but a bunch of things that conspire to test the relationship... For me, it was often about 3 months after the start. Little things at first, stuff that you've been meaning to bring up, to work out; how could this NOT be important to you? And from there, usually the break up.
And there you are, in this strange space where there are so many options and paths you could follow. Many times the relationship just "goes away", and gets filed under the "that was a mistake" category.  Yet, when you find pictures of that weekend getaway years later, doesn't it still flash to a smile in your mind, your heart? Was it really a mistake? Or was it just an adventure. And if we could be ok knowing it wouldn't last, would we still go in, knowing that we would have an adventure which would leave us with more knowledge, some moments of passion, and lessons, and smiles.
And what about the love you had?  Is it gone, or has it morphed into something else? Has it hidden or kind of "composted itself" into something else? Now, looking back, I can see different flavors of love for all these people that touched my life - some dim tendrils, some still smoking years later...
Sometimes the transition from lover to friend was natural, some times it was unwanted, some times it was only temporary.
The following song comes from one such transition from lover, to friend, to in this case, nothing beyond an etheric memory or the "was".  This was from some time in the late 80s I think. Didn't even have a title on it -

Once you were the joy of my heart, the thrill of my mind, a hand upon my soul,
once you had a face that shown alone, a way that was your own, and me.
But then we loved in such a different way, you were my every day, and I your every night,
once you were, but now you can not be, I understand you see,
I don't need you, and you most certainly don't need me.
But still, some how, we're friends.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Too Young To Give My Heart Away

- From the perspective of a teenager, I remember thinking that I had a lot more going on than most adults could appreciate or probably comprehend.  They were, after all, way to "old" to remember what it was like, and undoubtedly, there was something uniquely cool about our generation, that made us better equipped, smarter, and, well, just overall, um, well, something or other, than they were... I assumed I knew what was going on, even though, now, I realize that I didn't - but was unable to hear or understand that possibility because, I was a teenager...
One of the BIG programming subjects by society is sexuality, "romantic love" and the whole idea that you are somehow incomplete of your self; that you need another person to complete you - as if you are only half of a person (or less), half a heart. And further confusing, there is some suggestion that there is only one other "half" that will fit you to complete you. And you're supposed to get it right the first time - when you know absolutely nothing about it...
So this is a song written in November of 2000, in retrospective of my teenage years and first love/heartbreak.

Too Young To Give My Heart Away

When I was a child, innocent and pure,
My mom told me fairy tails, of how true love endures
So I grew up thinking, all I had to do,
was find someone to take my heart, and our love would be true.

So I looked around, to see who was there,
Someone here right next to me could be the answer to my prayers,
A girl came along, I thought she might be the one,
at 16 I was tired of waiting, and so the pain begun...

[Chorus]
I was too young, to give my heart away, I know it now,
but the waiting seemed eternal, as if I was missing out some how,
If I could have waited, and reigned in my heart more,
Maybe I wouldn't have had to pick up, all its pieces from the floor


So we tried this game called love, we thought we knew the rules,
I'd hear it would be easy, and believed it like a fool
But someone forgot to mention, the most important rule of all,
at sixteen we barely knew our selves, so we were destined for a fall...

If I could send a message through the heart break to my past,
not to waste my precious youth on a love that couldn't last,
and hold on to to your heart, don't think that love is late,
cause when the right love finally comes along, it was worth the wait.

Chorus

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Storm

- So in retrospect, breaking up has at least been very good fodder for poetry.  I could say something about the pain being like a purifying fire - which is an attractive analogy, but I'm not sure how true it really is. Purification implies the removal of impurities, of things that are not "of the form" that we try to purify. Yes, we learn, but how much of it sinks in?  How often do we fall for the same type of person, thinking that somehow it will be different this time?  Or even fall for the same person over and over - forgetting how incompatible you are until after you are back together again... Is that really purification that we went through then, or is it a pain response because we don't like change?
In any event, here's another poem from 1993.

Storm - By Dave Cox

The realization struck me softly-
It's approach not heralded by claxons or clarions,
it's eminent impact upon my life not foreshadowed or predicted,
nor its tearing of my soul anticipated - like the calm before the storm.

And so when the impact came, I was not prepared.
I was not braced for the power of its blow,
nor was I ready to grasp at the shards of my reality as they swept past me.
I could only stand, dumbfounded, and stare at the destruction of my tiny world.

And now I try to assess the damage that has been done.
Years of dreams, irreparably bent and torn.
My strongest trust somehow quivering in a pathetic show of disgust.
My dearest friend distant and cold.

I Wonder if the storm has passed, or if I am merely in the eye.
I wonder if the chill before me is only a passing front, or a new way of life.
And if I stand in the eye, then can I survive the rest?
Or Will it pass over me in its might, in its glory, and leave nothing to recall?

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Transfixed

- Love comes in so many flavors, so many textures. Some times it is light and airy, others it is heavy and dense. It can be radiantly glowing, or a dull ember. It can be about desires, completeness, polarity, sameness, passion, familiarity, some concept of destiny or rightness, or a million other things. After any of my relationships broke up, as with most people, I felt pain in almost all cases. But now, I can also look back with gratitude and thanks that whatever "we" were, existed for a while. The next few poems are from a love that I tried so hard for so long to make happen, but it just never became the thing I most wanted. So many thoughts about that time, about some concept of "fair" and "destiny" that we get wrapped up in. This is from late 1992 or early 1993.

                     Transfixed

I sit here transfixed,
staring blankly before me,
hoping that words will flow eloquently from me— onto the paper,
intact with all of the emotions still bound to them,
that you might see a piece of my soul through the lens of my words.

For with it you could see me from the inside,
you could feel my shades of wonder,
and reminisce amongst the sweet memories that you have made in me.
My deepest workings would be laid out bare before you,
and my most subtle nuance, made clear.

I would not need to fear misunderstanding,
for you could see through the these vapors of ink scrawled on paper,
past the bizarre contraption of letter, word and definition,
through the structure of sentence, or paragraph,
and understand the essence of my meaning.

If only the worlds problems were as odd and wonderful as ours,
that a misunderstanding leads to a deeper understanding,
that an act to move away, in other ways brings us closer together,
that a miscommunication could bring about comprehension,
and that from confrontation, grows even deeper love.

Writing quickly, so as not to disturb the moments insight,
I try to record the words before they fade from the perfection of the instant.
Each word falls silently from my mind into my hands and out,
yet their wandering leaves traces on me,
as well as the paper before me- to hold them, for you.

In this odd desire that you could connect through words to my spirit,
I realize there is so much that I wish to show you,
so many things I would share with you. . .
These feelings fighting to arise to the top- shouting above their brethren,
in hopes to be expressed in the few moments of poetic grace that may come. .

In awesome wholeness you are before me,
your smile traces across your lips as you speak,
and I feel the soft warmth of your breath against my cheek,
"And other times," you say with a serious voice, "I just don't know what to do"...
And you wonder why I smile.

Moments spent in concentration,
trying to solve some new riddle which you have presented me with,
whether to match a swatch of fabric with a ribbon,
or comprehend some sad injustice which has happened,
always a pleasure to answer, if only because you asked of me.

The passions that you stir in me, I didn't even know I had. . .
That you can take my breath from across the room,
make me smile from miles away, or make me tremble with desire from your touch,
to hold you, to touch you, to feel your body wrapped around me.

You move beside me, holding my hand as we walk.
Careful that no one notices our brief indiscretion,
we exit the party by the back door, and run through the field,
to land in each others arms and collapse onto the earth.
In a flash of understanding, We are one.

The pain lingers long, from a future sadness,
but its weight is carried by two and thus,
although not lessened, is somehow made more bearable.
A constant companion with which to help heal the wounds,
which life inflicts upon us all.

What pride I would feel if I could make you understand.
The dreams are only a skeleton of what you and I could become,
the feelings are only shadows of the truth that would be,
the words, though carefully chosen, show only what I can know,
and do not begin to gift us with what will be.

And as it came, the moment of eloquence passes.
These precious words start to cloud into trite phrases,
better not written on the same page.
Yet for an instant, perhaps the feelings the words carried moved you,
to see the depths of all that you are to me.

Only a single worthy phrase remains in my mind,
something by which to exit gracefully.
Though often over spoken, misused and ever so misunderstood,
yet still no better words to say, or to even try,
but to remind you of the thousand ways that I love you.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

A Candle in the Night

- Another song, on transition, after breaking up with my first girlfriend.  Seemed so strange that we were so much a part of each others every day lives one day, and then this thing happens and we "broke up", and now, our lives are separate.  I remember soon after breaking up, having a dream that the break up was actually a nightmare that I was dreaming, and that we were still together - and then waking up, and realizing that in fact, life was the nightmare.  No date on it, but it must have been when I was 17, so 1983ish...

A Candle in the night

You're like a candle in the night,
yet you ask me to look away, from you, the only light,
and find my way, back home in the dark,
without a candle in the night.

Like a candle in the night,
one point of interest in a dreary sea
yet with your light I saw the world before me,
by the light of a candle in the night.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Someday

- Have I mentioned the dissonance between dreams and reality?? I've had this mixed blessing/curse of being a "Huggy Girl Guy" (my sisters term) - of having mostly women friends through my life.  A number of those friendships came from romances that bloomed only briefly, and then converted over to something a tad more than just friends, but shy of lovers - sort of a romantic no-mans land, which lead to this song.  August of '90

Someday
She's another lovely spirit, I can add to my collection,
of friendships that have come from lovers,
"Can't we just be friends, forever?"
Another friend that wants me, but not the way it used to be,
if it's true that I've done nothing wrong, then what am I supposed to learn?

[Chorus]
And like all the rest, you tell me that someday, someday,
I'll make some woman very happy, but it won't be you,
and in those words, I feel my heart beat slowing to a crawl,
I want that someday, someday...

I try to play the manly part, and claim I never wanted you,
I try to pull my heart away, before I start to cry.
I know what we had, wasn't perfect, but it seemed so much better,
than this loneliness that's left, I'm just so tired of trying,

[Chorus]

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Pee Pee in the Potty

- And now for something completely different... Potty training for Delilah was a chore. Without a sibling to model after, and with the comfort of diapers, there wasn't a whole lot of incentive to get potty trained.  Well, I knew that she liked music, so I wrote a little ditty.  Maybe I can take a video of her and I singing this and post it here later :)  From 5/27/06

Pee Pee in the Potty

You've used those diapers, you've used those wipes,
you've filled half a land fill, by peeing day and night.
Now your a growin', and your gonna see,
every thing is better, when you learn to pee

[Chorus]
Pee pee in the potty, yea, you can pee pee in the potty,
Pee pee in the potty, pee pee all day long.
Yeah you can, poo-poo in the potty, poo poo in the potty,
You can pee and poo in the potty too, as we go along!

{bridge}
Well Ill let you know, how the story goes, when the big kids need to pee,
they pull down their underwear, and sit right down on that potty chair, you see?

[Chorus]

(C) 2011, Dave Cox

Garden of Love

- This tidbit, a fraction of a song that was never completed, yet still, interesting.  Deals with our assumptions about how things should be, and how some times the will of nature, or destiny, or the momentum of the paths carry us into a different future than we had expected.  This was from an introspective time in April of 2006.

Garden of our love

Every love is like a garden, where we wish good things to grow
a little rain, a little sunshine, and some magic seeds to sow
Every heart, like the autumn earth, on a sunny spring time day
with a history of growing things, a few which died along the way.

I planted a thing I thought was a rose, thinking of its passion,
its beauty & scent - a dark scarlet bloom I imagined, a gift of joy.
She planted a a thing she thought was an oak, dreaming of its strength,
its stability, a shade in the summer and a sentinel in the winter.

What grew instead was a bramble, entwined an flowing of a strong vine,
dotted with tiny tart berries of deepest red, and leaves of deepest green.
the vines form shelter from the breeze, the berries sustain us -
their bitter sweet plays on our tongues, and paints them mischievously.

Now a little bird has come to live in our garden,
a place of comfort, of home, of love,
where we plant what we hope to reap, but reap what it is that grows,
Each bite, becoming a part of each of us.

(C) 2011, Dave Cox

Where you are now

- Another idea that we have, is that things don't change with people - yet they do.  We base relationships on how things fit together today, and as we change, if the relationship doesn't fit, well, who's fault is it? No-ones - people just change... Sometimes, the goal becomes less important than the journey to get there.  Some times, the cast of characters changes along the way, which brings in new ideas, that foment into more change...  It took a long time for me to change - so that I could accept change as a part of, and even a sign of life.  The following touches on that.  Notice the very slight difference in title here - "Where you are now", vs. the previous "Where are you now" .  Also a song to be performed, but it never really was finished - which I guess is the point, right?
My first "music video" - ok, more music without much video, linked below.

Where you are now

Where you are now, is the culmination
of the paths you've traveled, and the choices that you've made.
Who you are now, is a combination
of persistence, luck, and the folks along the way.
What you are now, is always changing
With the new decisions you make from day to day
Where you go now, well that's largely up to you then -
it can be a bit surprising how things got to be this way.
Who you're with now, that can be complicated
By all their own opinions, and the dreams that the have had
Who you love now, can make all the difference -
when you're looking for tomorrows, work the good and loose the bad...
What we need now, is a bit of introspection,
to see what really matters, and the things that we can change.
What we do now, can make all the difference,
so that children on our shoulders will have a place to play
What you think now, is mearly a reflection
of the way you see the world, through the glasses that you wear
What you want now, it depends who asks the question -
what they have to offer, and how much you care.
Whats the truth now - is it all so cast in concrete,
that you can't yield a little, to the new things that you learn
What we hope now, is largely universal
For many bright tomorrows, without stress and fear in turn.

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

Don't make me a liar

- Another idea is that if one gives enough, that is, in it self, enough. That if you just keep trying, keep giving, that somehow that will make up for all the other differences in needs/desires/ideas, all the other stuff doesn't matter. Not sure where this came from, but it manifests itself in the form of "as long as I love her enough, nothing else can go wrong".  Obviously, when you look at it, this can't work - nothing is that simple, but it is seductive in it's purity.

This song, from about 1988 bubbles up from that place. Another one that I'll push out as music some day.

Don't make me a liar

Seems like just a couple days ago-
that I had the foolish notion, that my heart might never break again.
You loved me once, I know
Some how that's all different, now you call us friends.

Don't make me a liar  - I don't want to lie
all the dreams with you, I've promised, please don't let them die
Don't make me a looser - I don't want to lose
everything we cherished - I can't see why you'd choose
   To make me a liar?

(C) 2011 Dave Cox

My Perfect Love

- One of the themes of our societal programming is this concept of a single perfect love, one person that would meet all of our needs as a being, spirit, creature, lover, whatever. Because of that belief, the relationships that didn't work, were signs of failure, instead of learning experiences.  They were a burden to be worked through and moved on from, instead of being beautiful moments in attempt to make something that was right for those people at that time.  From that belief, came the recurring plea for "the right one to come along".
I think this was about 1988 or so.

My Perfect Love

I know she's out there somewhere - my perfect love
I feel her on occasion, as the wind sweeps by my face,
I turn in hopes to see her - my perfect love
if only for a moment, a passing shade of grace.
Several times I thought I found her - my perfect love
and several times, I've been wrong.

(c) 2011 Dave Cox

Where are you now?

- I suppose I should start off with bits of commentary to add to the back story on this stuff.  I guess there's no particular order to it - I'm just digging through the piles, and reading, and when I find something worth sharing, I'll put it out there.
As for content, I think a lot of it can be explained by saying that I was once a teenager.  There, I said it, ok? Funny, it doesn't seem that long ago - those unsure times, uncomfortable, not knowing what to do, trying to understand what people expect, and why chicks are so different than guys, and all that stuff.  So, a lot of my poems and songs are about loneliness, break up, mix up, etc.  Hum, sounds like a lot of country music lyrics, eah?

So, this first posting is from about 1983 or so - expectations, reality - not so much in common. Standard theme in life, really, no? It started off life as a song - and maybe some day I'll play it.

Oh, and as for all of these - I'm fine with folks copying stuff, but do include my name as author.


Where are you now?

You said when I need someone, I'll I'd ever have to do is call, and you'd be there...
But where are you now?
You believed in what I'd hoped to do, when you were standing by my side,
Where are you now?
Now all my hopes and dreams, don't mean the slightest thing to you,
And in my time of need, you don't come shinning through -
Where are you now?

Once you said I'd have to fight to loose you, now you fight to keep away,
Where are you now?
All those moments we said were special, were they nothing?
Where are you now?
Now all my hopes and dreams, don't mean the slightest thing to you,
And in my time of need, you don't come shinning through -
Where are you now?

(c)2011 Dave Cox

Documenting a life

I have here in front of me a pile of papers, many of them weathered and barely legible, some neatly bound, others crumbled.  Most are hand written, and even the writing is a testament to the span of their presence - I see the different styles, weights and angles that I've had in my writing over the years.  These are poems, lyrics to songs and general musings that I've created over my life.  They have been sitting in a folder in the dark for years, doing no-one any good.  Well, I've decided to start bringing them out, a little bit at a time, into the ether of knowledge that is the Internet.

Maybe someone will resonate with them. Maybe someone will see something new, or remember something old, or dream a little dream from the seeds here planted.

They served their purpose as a way to move feelings and birth thoughts into the world - and so now, I send them forth.

Let me know what you think.  Eventually, I hope to also figure out how to post some songs here or elsewhere.